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'An Independent Baptist Church' FACING LONELINESS Are you lonely right now? Did you realize there are lonely people all around you? Now they may cover it up pretty good with smiles and laughs, but deep down inside many, many people are very lonely. Loneliness is perhaps the most damaging of the 'GIANTS' we've looked at, because with all the others......discouragement, fear, anxiety, etc. we can usually go to someone else for help.... With loneliness...THAT IS THE PROBLEM! You have no one (or at least you feel like you have no one) to go to for help! Philip Zimbardo, writing in Psychology Today , has said, "There is no more destructive influence on physical and mental health than the isolation of you from me and us from them." He points to studies that show loneliness as a central agent of depression, paranoia, schizophrenia, rape, suicide, mass murder, and a wide variety of diseases. We've all seen the polls that point to shorter life spans for lonely people." And when surveys are taken to discover the central concerns for society, loneliness nearly always tops the list. We were created for fellowship, and deprival of it is deadly. Another author states the following about loneliness, "It comes to all of us sooner or later. Friends die, family dies, wives and husbands, too. We get old; we get sick....In a society where people live in impersonal cities or suburbs, where electronic entertainment often replaces one-to-one conversation, where people move from job to job, and state to state, and marriage to marriage, loneliness has become an epidemic." David Jeremiah says, "What is this thing called Loneliness? It is a sick feeling in the stomach that Alka Seltzer or Tylenol won't cure. It's an anxiety that doesn't come or go, but remains with you at all times and smothers you in the still of the night. It's a sharp pang that jolts through you when you hear a certain old song or revive an old memory. It's a subtle stress that quietly wears you down until you feel devoid of energy or enthusiasm." Loneliness plays no favorites....it affects the rich as well as the poor...and everyone of us will experience our 'seasons' of loneliness during our lifetime. It is very likely that in this very room, there are lonely people on either side of you.....all around you......if one could only look deeply into their lives..... There specific groups of people particularly prone to the GIANT of loneliness. First of all, LONELY YOUNG PEOPLE It is terrifying to read the studies that show how many children and teens are lonely in our society. Unless you are a beauty queen or an 'A' Student, or a very talented athlete, likely you have experienced the pain of ridicule and rejection by the 'in crowd' of your peers. The pressure in many schools for young people is unbelievable... To top it off, many of our children come from broken homes....shuttled between parents...often felt not wanted by either... many resort to drugs, alcohol, sexual promiscuity, and delinquency...to be 'accepted' and 'loved'..... Young people, I want you to know that Jesus Christ loves you if others have abandoned you and loneliness is in your heart. He wants to bring happiness and meaning to your life, and He will if you will only let Him! Then there is the.... THE LONELY SINGLE People have 3 basic needs. We need to be loved. We need someone to love. And....we need to feel needed. Without those 3 needs met, we can really begin to feel the GIANT of Loneliness pressing down on our hearts..... One of the most neglected groups of people in society...and even in our churches....is the LONELY SINGLE. Everything in society and in church seems to be 'built' around the family and marriage. What about those who have no family? What about those who have no mate and no one to share their life with? I have talked to many and they paint me the same picture.... "I work all day and everyone talks about their plans with their family or their special 'someone' and I have no one. Do you realize how that feels? I manage to do okay surprisingly at work because I can stay busy and keep my mind on the tasks and responsibilities in front of me. But after work, I return to an empty home. I cook dinner for one. I have no one to discuss the day's activities with over my meal. I watch TV alone....no one to laugh and talk with.....and those walls are SO silent.... ...And how I dread the holidays....... They weren't meant to be with someone you love. They are so tough. I can't wait for them to get over so I can get back to at least a normal day.... I wonder how many people in here have recently 'broken up' or had a relationship that has separated? Single Person, I want you to know that God can and will bring that person to love you TO YOU if you will let Him do so....I have seen Him do it time and time again for people, as they have waited upon Him and Trusted Him...He has brought abundant happiness again....sometimes even greater than what the person had before! Then there is... THE LONELY SURVIVOR OF DIVORCE If you haven't been through that valley of shadow, you know someone who has. Part of you dies. I've had people tell me in some ways it is worse than the death of your mate. With death, at least the person still loved you. With divorce, someone who promised to love you forever...and perhaps you thought they did.....until your world tears apart when they want the 'D' word.... Perhaps they've found 'someone else'.... What does that do to your self-esteem? You feel you weren't 'good enough' or wasn't a good mate, or they would have stayed......... You feel so rejected and spurned, that many never want another relationship again. Like Mark Twain said, "If a cat jumps on a hot stove, he'll never jump on one again. In fact, he'll never jump on ANY stove again!" Do you understand what he was saying? My Friend, if you have experienced divorce, find a church that accepts and loves divorced people, and does not treat them as 'second class' citizens. There are churches that love divorced people and want to help them. You may have to look for awhile, but God will direct you to that church. I realize some churches look at the divorced person as a 'marked' individual, but the Bible does not do that, and we at Gospel Center, do not do that. You are loved and we want to help you. Some churches believe a divorced person can not serve in church, and cannot be deacons and pastors, even if they were the innocent victim! But we believe the Bible is not teaching this at all. Look at our website on www.gospelcenterchurch.org to our Bible Questions section on DIVORCED DEACONS AND PASTORS for help. Some of the most faithful men and women in our church during the past 50 years of its ministry have been divorced and remarried. I have had the joy of seeing divorced people get remarried in the Lord and they are happier now than ever and serving the Lord with great joy! They have gotten busy in church serving the Lord and trusted the Lord to bring that person to them and He did! THE LONELY SURVIVING SPOUSE OF DEATH OR TRAGEDY Words cannot express the deep sorrow, deep loss, and deep tragedy of losing one's soul mate....someone you may have spent most of your life with.... A part of you is gone. There is no complete healing for a wound like this. Only with TIME and the Lord's Help....can the lonely surviving spouse make it through this valley of shadow..... I am told by those who have experienced this pain....that God can see you through it and you can continue to live and function. This can only be explained by the Lord's intervention and help...... Joy again will come, I am told, by people who have been through the valley and know. Well, then there is.... THE LONELY SPOUSE One might be surprised to discover there are many lonely spouses out there.... Marriage is no sure-fire panacea for loneliness..... How many times have counselors heard this story: "My husband is a good man, but he works such long hours....he has his hobbies and friends....we never talk......we've grown apart over the years....I am so lonely...." Families like this need pastoral counseling and help. Husbands need to realize before it is too late that often wives get lonely.... But this is for sure...wives need a network of lady friends.... whether that be relatives, co-workers, neighbors, friends from church.....a woman needs a network of lady friends for that companionship......someone to talk to.....because a husband is not going to be able to meet all of his wife's communication needs...even if he is on his BEST behavior! A man is just not made that way! Marriages are wise when this is realized....a husband needs his friends and a wife needs her friends MORE...... Now that doesn't mean they should neglect each other though... Men, allow your wife to have friends... I have seen many marriages put back together after loneliness had drawn them apart....when the Lord Jesus helped and was put back in the center of that home! Then there is .... THE LONELY SENIOR CITIZEN Oh, how many people work hard all their life....looking forward to retirement...and they save and scrap.....and look forward to getting away from their job..... Only to realize when retirement does come...they soon miss the very people they looked forward to getting away from....and more importantly, many people get lonely when they feel they are not needed anymore! At their job, most people were needed and felt important.... Their job was their identity...and now suddenly...many retirees have 'nothing' to do....they no longer feel needed..... How wonderful it is to be NEEDED.... AND how difficult it is when no one NEEDS us anymore... We can remember great accomplishments we've done, the respect of the community....a house filled with friends and family..... and many of them have passed on....died.... Oh, how lonely OLD AGE is...... The people we loved are mostly gone.....and shuttled off to a nursing home....unable to take care of ourselves......and our children not able to take the time to care for us as we would like..... Oh, the loneliness of OLD AGE.... But the Bible promises a special closeness from our Lord during the Golden Years......as our Homecoming draws nearer... Well, we could go on.....the ACHING LONELINESS when friends and loved ones turn their back on us....oh, how it hurts! Doesn't David's experience of Loneliness relate to your heart? Listen to him in Psalms 102:3-8 "For my days are consumed like
smoke, and my bones are burned as an hearth. Can you feel his pain in Psalms 142 :4? "I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul."
Well, let's look at... THE EFFECTS OF LONELINESS LONELINESS AFFECTS OUR HEALTH One of the most devastating effects of loneliness is....it kills! If people feel they have nothing or no one to live for, it does something to the body... Medical study after study has confirmed this... One recent study was taken on people who recently suffered a heart attack and 50% admitted to being lonely or depressed prior to the heart attack... (Now this is not saying the loneliness or depression was the only cause of the heart attack, but it certainly was a contributing factor!) LONELINESS IMPACTS US FINANCIALLY How often have we been guilty of going on a 'buying spree' when we have felt down...in order to cheer ourselves up... Lonely people often feel buying things will bring us the happiness they deserve or want, and often find out the satisfaction material things give is only fleeting, and then we are put in a financial crisis and even debt....which only adds to our problems... LONELINESS OFTEN LEADS TO SEXUAL IMMORALITY To fit in...the desire to be loved and wanted...often leads to sexual sin...and only compounds the problems of loneliness. Addiction to pornography often occurs.... LONELINESS IF OFTEN THE ROOT CAUSE BEHIND MANY BAD HABITS AND ADDICTIONS To feel accepted and to 'fit in'...many people go the route of alcohol, drug abuse, and other addictions... LONELINESS AFFECTS THE RELATIONSHIPS WE DO HAVE by putting a strain on people around us...by making obsessive demands on those relationships.....to attempt to make up for our loneliness. LONELINESS AFFECTS OUR SELF ESTEEM How can it help but not? We are all alone...we have no one to love (at least we feel we don't) and no one to love us.... Self pity and a feeling of inferiority and low self worth soon follow. LONELINESS CAN EVEN LEAD TO SUICIDE Many lonely people come to the point in life where they can't cope with their loneliness anymore...and feel this is the easiest way out! The devil would try to convince us at this low point in our life that we might as well end it.... But that is never the answer.....It just gives the devil the victory and he doesn't deserve that! LONELINESS OFTEN CAUSES THE CHILD OF GOD TO GET AHEAD OF THE LORD AND GET OUT OF GOD'S WILL Oh, how often we see this.... We want companionship so badly, that we jump into the first relationship that comes along, without taking time to get to know the person and making sure this is God's Will for my life... ...and often make decisions in haste that we live to regret later... We convinced ourselves....and did a pretty good job of it...that this must be God's Will for our life...!! Actually we didn't give God much of a chance.....we jumped ahead of Him....and wanted Him to stamp His stamp of approval on our decision....and God just doesn't do that! We feel if we jump into a fantasy world of Moving to another town, starting another job, finding another church, or jumping into another relationship....that this will help solve our problems... but often these are just ways of RUNNING from our problem...and not dealing with the root cause of the problem... Running from the problem of loneliness rarely helps.... and in fact compounds the loneliness, because it leaves behind the people and friends who do care about us..... HOW DO I WIN OVER LONELINESS? 1. REALIZE GOD KNOWS AND UNDERSTANDS HOW YOU FEEL Remember He suffered loneliness while on this earth and especially as He hung on the cross. 2. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR LONELINESS AND THAT YOU NEED GOD'S HELP Often pride keeps us from doing this...but it is one of the first steps to dealing with this 'Giant'..... 3. MAKE SURE JESUS IS YOUR SAVIOR! If you don't have Jesus living within you, there is nothing more that can be done to help you from the Bible. This is the reason so many who grow old without Christ are so lonely. They become self-centered and friends eventually die or just leave these people alone.....how sad. 4. ALLOW GOD'S WORD TO FILL YOUR MIND AND HEART There is something so soothing and comforting about hearing good Gospel Music, Good Bible preaching, and claiming promises from the Word of God.... The following Scriptures have helped me in times of loneliness: Psalms 27:10 'When my father and
my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.' There will other Scriptures you will find that will personally speak to your heart in your times of need that will become your favorites... 5. REALIZE WHAT YOU DO HAVE......AND THOSE WHO DO NEED YOU Oh, the devil would somehow distort our perspective during our dark times, and somehow get us to forget the many blessings we do have....and the people who do love us and need us.... 6. DEVELOP GOOD CHRISTIAN FRIENDSHIPS.... It is at these times we can develop friendships with the wrong type of people....or we can get good Christian friends....so important... As we said earlier, it is so important that wives develop a network of good lady friends......because her husband cannot meet all of her communication needs...he is just not built that way! the wrong type of friends can do us more harm than good.... But to get friends we must BE friendly.... Proverbs 18:24 " A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." 7. GET INVOLVED AND GET BUSY.....HELPING OTHERS.... This has a two-fold effect..... It gets our minds off of our loneliness and problems... and it builds bridges of friendship to other people who could be our friends for life......which in turn can help defeat the loneliness we are struggling with! Your local church is a good place to start.... A good church will have a variety of activities and ministries that you can become involved in....to help other people....to meet other people...... and you can be serving the Lord Jesus at the same time.... I believe a lot of Christian folk are lonely, and discouraged, and depressed.....and we could go on and on.....because they are not serving Christ the way they should in their local church.... Ouch. But I really believe with all my heart this is true! If many folks would get in church the way they should...and get busy doing something down there the way they should...it would solve a lot of their emotional problems....... 8. LOOK FOR OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE LONELY... Make this your mission or ministry next week or next Sunday at Church...there are lonely people all around us who need someone to talk to...someone to care about them! 9. TRUST THE LORD TO GUIDE YOU THROUGH THE DARK PERIODS OF LONELINESS. They will come.....to all of us....and we must look to the Lord to see us through them!
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